The Real Fake News in T&T

Sad Happy News

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 12:14:00 -0430

Newsday seems to be trying something to lessen the blow of harsh news by juxtaposing serious news with a silly image. To us it feels like Newsday’s attempt at an Aristocrats Joke on the frontpage. This is something we whole-heartedly applaud. If only we had thought of this before.

We have two questions for you. Which of the four below is the harshest combination and which one is the real Newsday frontpage?

Editorial: A Ray of Hope from Tobago

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 21:19:00 -0430

Our twin island state has been suffering under a horrible scourge for many years. That hopeless feeling in the face of rising crime, has been increasing with each passing year. 229, 260, 386, 368, 395, 550. These figures have lost their meaning. What does a crowd of 2,188 persons look like? What would 20 articulated buses from PTSC look like? What about 32 regular buses?

The ray of hope from Tobago is that we no longer need to think about these things. The recent attack of an English couple has shown us one thing. The crime spree is about to end. Recently Minister Joseph had said the homicide detection rate has increased to 20% for the first six month period of the year compared to 17% from the previous year’s period. We must admit, we at Trini Fake News were skeptical about the meaning or validity of this. After all detection is different from conviction. Those doubts however were proved to be unfounded.

The crime detection skills of our ‘sleuthiest’ officers has shown us that criminals should be very afraid of this new class of officers. There is no doubt that this is in fact a new class of officers. The old days where corrupt officers were the norm has long gone.

It would be cynical of us to say that this case was solved because of the international attention. It would be cynical of us to say that arresting someone does not mean the actual perpetrator has been found. Just as it would be cynical of us to say that one case does not make a trend. Such cynicism does nothing to help the crime situation.

We believe this new vigour in the police force to solve crimes will last well after the international attention has gone. This two for one interrogation of the Greene’s suspected attacker is a sign of the great skills of our officers. We have no doubt that only proper interrogation methods were used despite the lack of a recorded interrogation.

We believe this single case is enough cause to raise our hope.

The Return of TriniFakeNews

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 07:49:00 -0430

After an absence of one year and five months, we are reopening our printing presses. Many of you have been visiting the site daily. I assume it’s new people discovering the site. Otherwise you really need to get a life. Your silent cries for a worthy news source have not fallen on deaf ears. We will begin publishing once again. The original team is back with the exception of the Chinese labourers/printing-press-operators. We are sure you will come to love our brand new Filipino press-operators.

Our relaunch comes with many changes. We are now hosting the site at Tumblr. An unfortunate result of this is the loss of comments from older posts. We will attempt to import the comments but for now we have to live with this sad,sad loss. But, now we have this cool disqus comment system. The glass is half full people.

We have a new logo. It is reminiscent of the original version of the Trinidad Guardian logo. They may have decided to go all Web 1.5 on us with their new website but their original logo is still the best so we blatantly copied it.

We’re on Twitter! Yes now you can talk to us in near real-time. Again we follow Guardian except we do it better. Come on. A twitter bird in your background. How long did it take you to design that masterpiece?

What about Facebook you ask? Yes we are there also. We have a fan page setup and ready to go. You can become a fan here.

Those are the technology changes we’ve made. The only other change is that we have hopefully gotten better at what we do.

A lot has happened in this country since we stopped operations, but we will not dwell on those things. Great things are happening and we take our duty of bringing you the happy news very seriously. So let the happy times begin.

Mr. PM vs. Mr. Panday: The Aftermath

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 13:12:00 -0430

Mr. PM VS Mr. Panday

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 19:02:00 -0430

Original Article

Front Page – Christmas Escapades

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 08:56:00 -0430

Front Page – Christmas Escapades

Frontpage – Fat People

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:36:00 -0400

Frontpage – Fat People

New TT Dollar

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 12:25:00 -0400

Trini Fake News has been able to get hold of a draft design for the new TT dollar. We are unaware if this will actually be made the new official dollar or if it will be issued as a commemorative dollar in honour of our current ~~Executive President~~ Prime Minister.

Election 2007 Street Talk

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 12:12:00 -0400

Election 2007 Street Talk

Editorial: Result of Election 2007

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 22:59:00 -0400

One year ago, there was a murder in Felicity. Trinidad had found itself at one of its lowest points in its short history. Race had reared its ugly head as the community of Boot Hill sought justice for an innocent young man who was gunned down in the prime of his life. His crime was simply trying to survive by the only means he knew. His murderer is free today. Free to live and free to have voted in yesterdays election. Kevin Valley no longer has those options. They were stolen from him as if by a kidnapper in the night.

The murder of Kevin had the potential to sink this country into a quagmire of racial tension and violence. In fact for a couple days last year, that is exactly where many felt we were headed. The election result of yesterday has proven that those fears were unfounded. The citizens of Trinidad and Tobago are a resilient bunch. We were able to avoid such tensions by proving to all that we would not allow racial divisions to be the hallmark of our society.

The tensions of yesteryear are gone now. We can finally get on with the work of building our country the way it should be. Not by voting along racial lines but by looking at the deeds and actions and promises of each party. Fortunately, every party that fought the last election had decided to forego the usual reliance on propaganda and fear mongering. They decided to not assault the public with irrelevant ads and fetes. They decided to treat the voting public with the maturity we all deserved. The citizens were up for that task also.

Trinidadians and Tobagonians were not fooled as in the past. Yesterday we voted as nationalists. We voted on what we individually thought was the best thing for the country. We did not look at how the government benefited us individually. We looked at the bigger picture. We realized that even if we got a job in CEPEP or free university education, all these things would mean nothing if the majority of Trinidadians and Tobagonians did not have the basic skills to live. Skills to buy food, skills to make sure our families were safe, skills to treat our fellow man with respect. Skills to be the self-actualizing people that we are. Trinidad and Tobago took one step closer to becoming a true nation. We are moving away from the culture of I to the culture of us.

We will no longer be fooled by empty promises of safer communities. We will no longer be fooled by lies such as how many schools were built or repaired. We will no longer be fooled into thinking that it is okay to spend almost a third of our waking day stuck in traffic because soon we will have a world-class transport system. We will no longer be fooled into thinking that crime is something that affects all countries so it is okay if our crime rate rises. We will no longer be fooled into thinking that things will get better now that the worst has passed.

We have finally seen the truth and the election result has shown such. Our vision of Trinidad and Tobago is no longer filtered by race and fear. We are well on our way to achieving 20/20 vision as a people.

Interview with Dr. Kirk Meighoo

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 01:18:00 -0400

Today I am speaking with Dr. Kirk Meighoo, former lecturer in the Department of Behavioural Sciences at the St. Augustine campus of the University of the West Indies and current leader of the Democratic National Assembly (DNA). Dr. Meighoo will be contesting the Chaguanas East constituency this 2007 election under the banner of the UNC-A.

Editor’s Note: Dr. Meighoo was kind enough to give Trini Fake News this rather indepth interview espousing his true feelings and beliefs. The interview is rather long but we at Trini Fake News feel it is our duty to report in full Dr. Meighoo’s views.

Note: The answers of Dr. Meighoo are from an actual email allegedly written by Dr. Meighoo. We rearranged the text. This explanation is for those of you out there who don’t understand humour. We’re looking at you Emily Fernandes.

RC: What is your role and the role of the DNA in this election?

KM: The first priority we must have is change in the country. We have to think: how can we realistically achieve it? By bowing out and letting the PNM have full control? I think not.

This is like playing poker. We need to be pulling cards that no one can even think of. We need aces up our sleeves. Five aces, even. And we need to bluff. With a straight face. And face people down right to the end.

If people can predict our moves, or we paint ourselves into a corner, then we are bad players and have lost already. We have to be unpredictable. And badass.

RC: Are you saying that cheating and lyng are the standards for your party?

KM: The point is HOW DO WE EFFECT CHANGE? I firmly believe that we need to get in there and do it ourselves. And I don’t want to give the PNM a free hand in the next Parliament. We must do whatever it takes to get into the Parliament because it is only from within it can we effect any enduring change. We must be prepared to do ANYTHING to effect change especially talking to the party most likely to win, which is the PNM.

If we act as purists (which we are not, since we have already spoken to UNC elements), then we are really like the public perception of Tapia, and are destined to be a failed third party in the country. I do not want us to make the mistakes Tapia made. And the main mistake was a fear to engage with real politics, as opposed to nice, idealistic talk only. It is like the Opposition in 1971 who boycotted the elections in protest against the PNM, with great principles. What they did, however, was effectively give the PNM control of all 36 seats in Parliament, from which the party consolidated its control after it lost all credibility during Black Power. Is that what we want to do? Hand the PNM victory on a platter, even when it has lost all credibility?

RC: Would you consider a union with the PNM instead of the UNC-A?

KM: If we have been talking to elements within the UNC, I don’t see why we can’t also talk to elements in the PNM. They are both disgusting. I hate talking to the UNC as much as I hate talking to the PNM. But I have been doing it, because I want us to effect change. If people think we won’t do ANYTHING to effect change in this country, then they can screw us around like Dookeran has been doing for the past few months. And NO CHANGE will occur, believe me. They need to be scared of us, scared of losing our support, and fearful that we have the capability to hurt them.

I am not necessarily saying that we should join the PNM. However, what I am saying is that we should never let anybody be able to predict our next move. We have to scare people into thinking that we have many many unknown things up our sleeves. We cannot be only interested in theoretical change, but actual change. That means we have to be political players, or else we are just a useless pressure group, and that is not what we are about.

RC: What would be your terms for forming a union with the PNM?

KM: What might be proper terms? For example: they endorse our desire for change (without necessarily agreeing with every detail), we are given a certain number of seats, do not lose our identity, and we are in control of at least one thing: I think it should be Reform of the State and Governance, out of the Prime Minister’s office. I don’t think this will work, but it will be extremely interesting to stir things up. It will throw everybody off. And we will need to be firm. And be ready to withdraw if our terms are not met.

RC: Do you really think the PNM would be willing to form a union with the DNA?

KM: The PNM realises our value more than the UNC. The UNC are uncultured barbarians. If they did Vision 2020, for example, they would never invite me to be Vice Chair on a group. The UNC would pack it with political friends and supporters, of the lowest quality to boot. When the UNC were in power, they only respected people with money, and bulldog lawyers. Or fanatic supporters with no intellectual quality whatsoever (just like the PNM). The UNC has no respect for thinking and for ideas. Manning is a total ass, yes, but the PNM is bigger than Manning. They have a headquarters, they keep records, they keep speeches and archives, they have real meetings with various opinions, there are internal groups with autonomy, they are really a national party in that they contest every seat in every election, by-election, local government election, THA election, and so forth. Nobody else does that in the country. When I was doing my Ph.D. research, the PNM were far more useful and helpful to me than the UNC, because there are people in there in important party positions who know the value of these things, even if they themselves might not be particularly bright. They have been around for 50 years, and know what is needed to survive.

RC: Who do you prefer to form a union with, the UNC-A or the PNM?

KM: If we really want to lead the whole country, then we have to deal with the PNM. We have to be able to win over some of them and their supporters. We have to work with them and their supporters in the public service, in the Parliament if we want to bring about constitutional amendments and constitutional reform. And we have to work with them on sympathetic terms if we want to build our country. Because like it or not, up to this point in our history, this is PNM country. And if we don’t understand that then we do not have a proper understanding of the task to which we have set ourselves. This is what we need to undo. And we can’t do it by sitting on the sides, being checkmated by real politicians.

RC: What are your views on the UNC-A, the party you are contesting a seat for in this election?

KM: The UNC also represents everything wrong with our country: insularity, lack of vision, parochialism, ethnocentrism, vaille-que-vaille mode of operating, selective enforcement of rules, deception and dishonesty, corruption, no thought about wider responsibilities, and no national feeling. The UNC are no better than the PNM, as they are showed with their scandalous eviction of Dookeran. Ramesh and Panday cooked this up behind the scenes. For all their bad qualities, the PNM would not operate like that.

Public Reaction

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 09:45:00 -0400

Public Reaction

Political Ads – PNM

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 14:13:00 -0400

Political Ads – PNM

Political Ads – UNC

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 11:23:00 -0400

Political Ads – UNC

In The News – 30th October 2007

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 10:46:00 -0400

Panday: I am the Enemy

Former Prime Minister Basdeo Panday has admitted his leadership role in the UNC-A would be the reason the UNC-A lose the election and for a possible PNM win.

A public meeting held on Sunday night at Bonne Aventure Juncton in Gasparillo was the scene for this somewhat obvious revelation. Lamenting that citizens were “blue in the face” from appealing for his resignation from active politics, Panday pleaded with supporters, “You can take this government but you need to promise me something here tonight. That on the 5th of May, you are not going to vote for me.” The crowd looked a bit perplexed by this statement and wrong election date but cheered on their hero in spite of his obvious declining mental prowess.

Chaguanas Mayor Suruj Rambachan tried to save the night by offering the security forces, who will cast their ballots as special voters this week, a $1 million payout to the family of officers killed in the line of duty.

Ministry blame schools for De-Shifting mess

School principals were at the receiving end of a strongly worded comment by Ministry of Education officials for the current debacle in the shift towards Junior Secondary Schools to whole day, five-year schools.

The Ministry wondered what the reason was for principals allowing thousands of students to spend more time at home than at school. “This is a total shock to us” said the Ministry official. “The PNM manifesto clearly states that thirteen Junior Secondary Schools were de-shifted and converted to full-day secondary schools. Are these principals trying to play politics with out children’s education?” the official wondered.

Angry parents were dismayed at the prospect of having their young hooligans at their homes unsupervised.

School principals stated that the reason was lack of space in the schools but Ministry officials waved off this issue. “The principals need to find a solution, not muddle the issue with these unnecessary details” The Ministry official stated.

Burn Victim Looks to God

Aaron Jaipersad sat in a depressed state at his home in Siparia yesterday. Jaipersad was released from hospital where he had spent more than a month under the care of doctors and nurses. Jaipersad, 20, and another Trincannot contract worker, Ronald Chan, also from Siparia, received serious burns about the face and body after an oil tank containing hydrocarbons ignited at the Acme Quarry Road field, Quinam on September 18. At the time of the accident they were erecting lights.

Jaipersad described his sad state as due to the fact that when he prayed to God for help God refused him. “I used to have nightmares about fires, but I always prayed to God and asked him to not let that happen to me” Jaipersad said. “What’s up with that?” Jaipersad questioned to no one in particular. Jaipersad expressed his dismay at the fact that he was burned while erecting lights, something he described as being akin to doing God’s work.

Jaipersad said he was grateful to the doctors at the Burns Unit of the San Fernando General Hospital but held back any praise for God. God could not be reached for comment.

Buy this CD

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 10:27:00 -0400

This election season has seen the rise of new styles of politics. We have already highlighted the filthy use of lies by politicians that seems to be penetrating it’s way into our virginal political landscape. On the positive side though, we are seeing the use of musical artists as a form of conveying the political message.

Both the UNC-A and the PNM seem to have musicians lined up waiting to support them. Hopefully the COP will soon adopt this ‘new style of politics’ and join in on the fete. It is great to see how many of our musicians are so civic minded and interested in our political process. This seems to have even spread so wide that even our neighbours are interested in our politics. Thank you, Mr. Ritchie Spice and Mr. Miguel “Sizzla Kalonji” Collins. Your concern about our country is not going unnoted. It truly is great that we are importing such great achievements from our neighbour Jamaica. There are many things to learn from them such as their violence free elections where we certainly seem to be on track. We hope this trend continues.

In honour of this new level of politics, Trini Fake News has decided to compile a CD with all the hits from this election season so that in years to come we may remember this glorious 2007 election season. We know that in the coming years we will be looking back at this election with tears in our eyes.

You can purchase this CD directly from us. Send your requests to trinifakenews+cdsales@gmail.com. If you do not want to get 100 copies in your mailbox, please tell us how many you would like to purchase. The CD’s are selling for $200.00 at record stores nationwide. However, if you contact us directly it can be yours for $99.99. We’ll even throw in a free surprise gift to the first 100 customers.

See below for the CD cover.

PM’s New Crime Initiative

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 00:18:00 -0400

PM’s New Crime Initiative

Exclusive – Lies Exposed

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 15:22:00 -0400

It is indeed a sad day when we as citizens cannot trust our politicians. The lies of politicians have become a standard among our neighbours to the north. Trinidad and Tobago politicians however have been renowned worldwide for their truthfulness. Those halcyon days are over. This election season has brought with it a new form of discourse between the politicians and our voting public. A dialogue filled with lies is the standard we are to expect now.

The past couple days have seen two examples of the lies of political parties being exposed. The PNM has used a possible fake policeman in one of their advertisement. The evidence for this lies in the fact that the photo displays a citizen actually being helped by an officer as opposed to being killed ‘accidentally’ by the slippery trigger finger of one of our officers. The COP touting a form of new politics seems to mean that they will not follow past standards of honest conduct expected among our politicians. This standard of truth and trust is thrown to the wayside to be replaced by lies. They attempt to misguide us with their lie of having an army captain on their slate. They attempt to mitigate this by stating he is a former captain but this means nothing when he is garbed as an army personnel. They attempt to rely on the fact that citizens of this country hold army personnel in such high regard.

The UNC-A until now had seemed to be the only party willing to uphold the long expected standard of truth and fairness. Trini Fake News investigative reporters however have uncovered what may in fact be the worst of these lies. The UNC has a beautiful disabled woman holding a pair of crutches. The viewer becomes sympathetic not only with the woman but the plight of disabled persons in Trinidad and Tobago. This sympathy is misplaced though. We have discovered that this woman is in fact a crutch less woman. In our exclusive undated photograph, we see the same woman carrying what seem to be two heavy boxes up a flight of stairs.

The UNC-A needs to explain how a disabled woman who is supposed to need crutches in her daily life can accomplish such a task. Are we to believe that Panday’s UNC, like some modern day reincarnation of Jesus Christ, will heal our disabled persons and give them the gift to amble carefree under a UNC led government? Their advertisement may have backfired though. The only miracle they can expect is that the citizens will have gained the gift of sight. Sight to see through their lies.

Trini Fake News is disgusted by this new phenomenon of our politicians lying to the public. Where next can we expect lies? Will our religious leaders be next? In a society grown accustomed to the truthfulness of our fellow man, we must curtail this heinous attack upon the very fabric of society. If we fail we may very well be expected to mistrust our fellow man in the not too distant future.

Time Machine - October 19th, 2004

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:55:00 -0400

We are pleased to introduce a new feature by columnist Ronald Jimmy Dion called Time Machine. In this column Ronnie looks back to stories from our past and revisits them. The changes we have seen are heartening to say the least. The great strides we have made in short periods of time fill us with hope for the future. We invite you to share in this hope as we look at where we were and where we are.

It is four am in Port of Spain on this Sunday morning. This day marks the begining of a week long festival to celebrate our city. I am standing on Knox Street with the Mayor of Port of Spain, Murchison Brown, as we await the arrival of one of the city’s two dredgers. Although it has only been three years since we saw the first of these machines, many citizens do not remember the city as it was in 2004 prior to their introduction. Let me remind you of what the city was like.

In Port of Spain pre 2005, even the slightest rainfall would have caused the city streets to be flooded with muddy water, drowned vermin and garbage. Commuters and pedestrians alike were affected horribly by this seasonal occurrence and most had gotten used to such a state of affairs. The rainy season was then, synonymous with flooding in our fair city.

Today, Port of Spain is the jewel of the Caribbean. It is a city admired by all for its clean streets, and free flowing passages uncluttered by vendors. Beautiful trees and numerous garbage bins bejewel the pavements. The air is clean as the once high level of emissions from vehicles have been curtailed.

Mayor Murchison Brown stepped up to the plate in 2004 and led the city into true city status. The Mayor’s effect has been so drastic that many no longer consider June 26th, 1914 as the date when Port of Spain became a city. It was in 2004 that the Mayor decided that something had to be done about the terrible state of the city under his administration. I was able to get from the Mayor, a brief history of the changes that made Port of Spain the city we know today.

The genesis of the change can be traced back to October 2004 when a single dredger purchased from TRACMAC cleaned the city’s drainage system. From there everything fell into place. The Mayor is quick to point out that the reason for the change in Port of Spain in such a relatively short period of three years had more to do with the public than with the Corporation. The solution was twofold he states. His first objective was to provide a clean environment with proper structures in place. Structures such as garbage bins, regularized garbage removal, litter wardens, efficient use of traffic lights, a rebuilt People’s Mall to house more vendors – these are little things that brought about major changes, the Mayor says.

The other objective was to get the public to change their mindset. The public was provided an environment where littering was not an easy or acceptable thing to do. Easy access to garbage bins was one thing but this alone did not make the change. It took the presence of litter wardens and the actual enforcement of the laws. In 2005 a promotion blitz was done by the Port of Spain Corporation to educate the public on the effects of littering. Business owners were also educated. The city listened to the pleas from the Downtown Owners and Merchants Association (DOMA) and together the city and DOMA came up with a solution to efficiently dispose of the massive amounts of garbage generated each day.

A clean environment, the Mayor insists, is integral if one is to have a safe environment. The effects of this clean city can be seen in our reduced level of crime, and a reported increase in productivity by persons working in the city. The changes were dramatic and furious. It is a beautiful thing to look at today, the Mayor says with a tear in his eye.

Port of Spain today is a clean, flood free and efficient city not because of the 1.665 billion dollar waterfront project or a cityscape with towering buildings. It is so because of concerned citizens and a forward thinking city corporation. Together this combination was able to take Port of Spain from the filthy state it was in 2004 to the envied state of today.

For further information on this history read this article in the October 19th 2004 edition of the Guardian newspaper.

Interview with Imam Yasin Abu Bakr

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 12:58:00 -0400

Today is the birthday of Imam Yasin Abu Bakr. In celebration of this day, Trini Fake News Jihad correspondent Hijrah Uthman Ibn Abi Talib al-Siddiq sat down earlier this week for an indepth interview with a man who claims to be the most misunderstood and hated man in Trinidad and Tobago – Imam Yasin Abu Bakr.

HUIATAS: I must offer you birthday greetings before we start.
IYAB: Thank you very much. I have been getting greetings from all over the world but it is indeed a pleasure to receive one from a Trinidadian. Those have been rare in the past couple years.
HUIATAS: Which international figures have been contacting you?
IYAB: Well, there is Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi, Mr. Russel M. Defraitas and Abdel Kadir to name a few.
HUIATAS: That’s interesting. How old will you be on your next birthday?
IYAB: I’ll be 66. That’s a ripe old age for an ex-police officer like myself. Most officers don’t live to be this age you know. These are dangerous times I am sad to say.
HUIATAS: You mention that you were once a police officer, what made you decide to leave the force?
IYAB: The force is too much of an evil place for a man such as myself. The sort of activities that go on in there are just abominable. I left the force and needed to recleanse myself, both physically and mentally. I went to Canada then and met with some muslims there. That was when Lennox Philip was reborn as a new man. That man is the one you see before you today. I am cleansed of the porcine filth that stained me while in the police force.
HUIATAS: How do you plan on celebrating your birthday?
IYAB: I’ll spend it with my family. I am a very family oriented man. I always try to bring all the young boys and girls from the nearby community to my home so that they may be protected from infidels and stray dogs on the streets of Mucurapo. I am going to also drive around and do some community service, such as collecting zakaat, on that day. I also want to spend some time with each of my four wives.
HUIATAS: Well I hope you don’t get in any trouble with the zakaat like last time.
IYAB: [growing angered] The politicians in this country are trying to use me as a scapegoat for all their wrong doings. I am a peacful man. Never have I hurt or cause hurt to come on anyone since I have been Yasin Abu Bakr. As a police officer I did horrible things. But, let Allah judge me for that. Patrick Manning, Basdeo Panday and Ramesh Lawrence Maharaj feel they can send their henchmen to do their dirty work. Muhammed will see to them. They shall be gutted like the filthy dogs that they are. They shall be dragged through the streets like the infidels that they are. INFIDELS…SWINES…DOGS… in the name of Allah the merciful, the compasionate.
HUIATAS:Okay… well that’s the end of our interview Imam Yasin Abu Bakr. I hope you have an enjoyable birthday. Good luck with the ‘community service’. Also, good luck with the gutting and draging stuff.
IYAB: It has been a pleasure. Peace be unto you.